Death brought us closer.

Death brings us closer #25

 

The only connection I truly had with this young man was the darkness that beholds us both,

He could speak with such talent and such words, you would think it was a bible oath,

This young, charming and daring man was a fighter,

However, all fights but come to an end,

In his case, it was the end, however, I will remember this, and I will defend,

Defend the cause and the suffering that the darkness brings to us,

Life is hard, choices are harder, but one losing the fight, it just plain rough.

 

There are people that do not understand what this darkness can do,

If you need a name for this thing that destroy’s lives and takes them,

BIPOLAR!

 

Bipolar is what makes me keep on fighting, but it’s scary,

Bipolar is harder than living in this world,

Every day gets harder and harder,

When you finish your day, and you think it’s almost over,

Bipolar will remind you, it’s not, it attacks us like a ball of fire.

 

My friend, who was connected through our darkness,

We feared we would never get understanding, nor any justice,

The pain, the swings, the highs, the lows, the voices, the pills,

These are the very things that make bipolar,

The pills are the very we use to kill,

Kill ourselves, to stop the pain,

To stop feeling ashamed,

As people sit there and judge us,

Myself and my dead friend were looking, as we were lost.

 

The truth is harsh, bipolar takes souls,

It wages war between ourselves,

It takes out our burning flame,

It makes us lose our game,

It brings us to our knees in complete shame,

It makes us deaf to pain,

When my dead friend, was calling out his name,

There was no one, to help nor stop him,

Now our friend has become, the very thing we fear,

He has become our cause to fight,

With all of our might, to achieve what I and my friend had in our sight,

Understanding, no judgement, no caring, kindles and most importantly,

People doing us right, so feel we can speak and start to feel alright.

 

Death has brought us closer, but we are so far apart

Death Part II

The reaper has come to pay me another visit,

I thought it was the last time we will see each other again for a long time as I thought I was feeling fine.

But I was a fool to think this, I asked him what crime have I committed?

Death laughs at me, he asks me, why do you think you have done something wrong to see me,

I paused and thought he was playing a game,

He likes doing this, as it causes me pain, and it makes me go insane.

Death, why have you come, I shouted,

With a smile on his face, he declares he wants me to take me,

It was like the last time, he said I would be safer with him,

I went stone cold with tears running down my face,

Not because death is waiting for me,

But because he is wanting my friendship more than mortals do,

How is this even possible?

How is it that death wants to be friends with me,

If I was honest, I don’t find his offer distasteful,

At least he is honest.

Death asks me if he wants me to take me,

Take my tears, my soul, my illness, my life,

He hands me a hunting knife, he tells me, there are many people out there wanting to put this in your back, I am offering you truth & power, the power to choose who put a knife in your back rather than a lying snake,

I said I don’t want to do any of this, he then asked,

Did I hear your cries out of a mistake?

He made me speechless, and again powerless,

I could not lie to him, he was right; I did call out for him,

But now the reaper is in my presence, asking, but not taking.

Do I listen to death?

Do I want him to take my last breath?

I feel this is the right time for the reaper to see me,

Therefore, death says he will be waiting for me,

Like death said, everyone has a time,

They do not need to commit any crime,

I will always be on time for when its their time to leave this mad world,

Sam, your madness, your soul, your life is worth much more to me while your live,

I asked death why? What does it mean for him if I live,

He says with a deep and forceful voice,

Unlike when I have to take people for reason out of their control,

You have the gift, of voice of choice, to join me willing ,

So you can become my friend,

This is the first time I looked at death with pity,

Aint it funny, death asking me to be his friend,

I smiled and said, we will be one day,

But you have given me strength,

You have said I have the voice of choice,

I choose to stay, but thank you for coming when you heard my cries,

Thank you for not giving me lies,

Thank you for making my sky blue again,

I now look at death as my friend.

Run & Lie

In this world, it’s sometimes better to be lied to, than the truth,

When I am flying high, the truth to me is a total lie,

It makes no difference if I was to live in the world that is full of truth

When I am manic and free, I am advised by people

I should take medication and they become all forgetful,

When I manic I see more clearly,

Yes the people who love me, just want to break down and cry,

But when I am flying high, I can see through the bare ground lie.

 

All I want to do is run,

Just keep running,

Not from the truth, nor the lies,

But from the people who stage is so,

However I know if I run,

I will back to square one,

Fighting for my sanity instead of getting back to reality.

 

I want to run with a gun by my side,

To shoot away all the lies,

That all these guys tell me,

I need someone here to wipe away the tears,

To show that side to me,

Without no judgment,

Just love and acceptance.

 

I looked into my future,

This is after I have run,

I look into the mirror,

It says, “hello Mr lonely one”,

As lying to people is a safe way of gaining people’s trust,

The truth is much harder to accept,

It feels like a tornado swept,

Not on land, or on a man-made sand,

But deeply hidden in my mind,

It takes a real lie to find a broken man.

Dont Quit…

 

I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn’t have that voice inside me,

Telling me I should give up, I’m not worth it, I’m ugly, stupid & fat,

That voice inside me screaming at me, making me feel I have to see the local quack.

 

The screams get louder and louder, while I become weaker & weaker,

However, what that voice don’t know, is I get more eager,

Eager to win the battle between myself & my madness,

My friends bring me joy & my family brings kindness,

These are the very things that the voice can’t bear and this is why I am so lucky to have friends and family, who love me and care.

 

When the world is shouting at you, give up,

It’s like a turning lock, it wants you to feel as to what the voice makes me feel,

Powerless, faceless, speechless, unimportant and indecent,

The world is full of stigma, with it they bear the sign of hate,

I feel I have to pass the ethical & a narrow-minded gate,

In order to achieve in this damned, judgmental world,

These people do not know they have sold their soul to hate things they do not understand.

 

But wait, there’s guidance, a whisper among the herd of negativity,

I can hear my voice coming back, giving me my sanity,

It brings warm joy, hugs, and acceptance,

Something that people cannot or wish to understand,

I will carry on running to my goals, even if I run myself into the ground,

I will not quit, the voice and the stigma in this world are just waiting for me to drop, but they are giving me a reason,

For myself to enjoy life in every season,

Whether it’s Winter, Summer, Autumn or pretty spring,

I look out of my window and see beauty as I see the birds open their beaks and they sing.

 

I thank this world for keeping me going,

For not letting me quit my future showings,

Where I will find love,

Where I will find my dove bearing its heart to me,

Where I can finally be free,

Free to change the world with words & actions,

Where I will not be sanctioned.

 

So what am I trying to say, is never quit,

Don’t feel you have to run up that hill alone,

Don’t feel you have to suffer in pain,

Don’t feel you have nothing to gain from speaking out,

Don’t feel you can’t shout out to the world,

Don’t feel you have to cry behind closed doors,

 

Don’t feel that you are a lost cause,

Don’t feel you can’t live like this anymore,

Don’t pretend this feeling your going through is not sore,

Don’t feel you have to lie,

Don’t feel you need a reason to cry, just cry,

Don’t feel you have to quit, you are strong, you are a sleeping warrior,

Once you see that your mental health and your voice inside you is your armour,

Nothing will stop you.

 

Be strong, I am with you, going through the same thing too.

Death

Death is so inviting,

It calls to me, even in my sleep,

I awake in the early hours of dawn,

Death whispers in my ear,

It tricks me, the old face has new names.

 

I fight with all my will to fight off the demon I call death,

Death whispers in my ear, come you will be safer with me,

It plays me like a game, he wants to take me the burning flames of hell.

I must reclaim my strength and soul, as death cannot take my life as it’s already tried, however, this does not stop death for coming for me, even when he has lost too many times.

 

I feel I know death; somehow we have met before,

He declares himself to be my friend,

I have been at heaven’s gates before; too many that I would like to recall,

People can not compare the strength that death holds, and how death lies to gain people lives.

 

I and death are friends from so many times he has nearly taken me,

I am closer to death than I am to my mare mortals,

However all friendships but come to an end,

This is where death and I will be forever friends,

For when my life is no longer,

I am defeated and no longer a fighting soldier.